Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
