I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
