so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
