great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
