You really coming over, don't trick.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
