Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
