How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
