shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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