I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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