I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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