I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
