Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
