your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
