i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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