I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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