we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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