You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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