Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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