Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
