There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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