I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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