I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it because I queefed?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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