im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish you could order shots online.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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