I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
