I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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