i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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