I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
