So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
