You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
