Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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