I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
