When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
