Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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