I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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