Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The ass gains better be worth it
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