You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
