My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
