I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
