i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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