I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
