I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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