That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Four minutes until I can fart!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
