I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
