you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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