Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
