Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
