Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that's an acceptable place to lick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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