I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
