the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i came on her dog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
