Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
