Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
