She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
