I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
